The winner of the latest series of Britain's Got Talent was a dog. 6-year-old Pudsey earned £500,000 for his owner, 17-year-old Ashleigh Butera.
Now look at the bastard who wakes you every day at 6 am, put it on the wall and ask what good he did for you in the last year. It may bark back, swish its tail furiously and, offended, go onto its blanket.
Hang a pic of Pudsey over...